Love is learning

Was it an issue of trust given too early, a lot said prematurely? Or was her boldness and blatant honesty threatening? Did her confessed love seem plastic? Was he having second thoughts, did he doubt her sincerity? Or did he know something she wasn’t privy to? Was she pushy, maybe bossy? She didn’t know, she couldn’t tell all she knew was that something had changed something she couldn’t explain, something only silence could ravel. Her eyes gave her away (or so her colleagues noted) - were her pupils maybe too dilated? Was her heart playing tricks on her? She didn’t know but she welcomed the feeling non-the less until……until ………

When she boarded that bus, she never anticipated what awaited her on the other side of the divide, but whatever it was- she was more than ready to take it in, and take it in she did- very furiously and fast, no pausing, no doubting, no reflecting and most importantly no regretting- she was carried away, away to a world she had long longed for, she hoped and wished that that feeling would remain, would last, would be permanent, did it last? Was it twisted? She knew not, until…..until…….

The blinking orange LED light that she was fast becoming accustomed to made her heart race whenever she saw it, it was a perfect indicator that heartwarming and moving texts had come her way, she didn’t have to think about the words she would use to reply back, they came so naturally to her, so correct so fitting, so blending like her piece of the puzzle had been found. All the barriers had been broken, all the walls she built came tumbling down- and they didn’t even make a sound, it surprised her, surprised her pals. Was it a wide contrast to what she had made herself believe, or was she the one changing? Had she not known herself all these time? Whatever it was, it was a most welcome change, most treasured feeling until…..until……

She longed for that tight embrace, those searching and knowing lips, that welcoming chest, those protective arms. They made her feel safe, want more and wondered how on earth some people chose a life devoid of all these- were their thoughts synchronized? Was she alone in all these? Did he mean what he said? Was he holding back? She knew not. She trusted fully, loved completely or so she thought. Was it too early to confess her undying love? How much did she know about him? Her world seemed perfect, her heart and soul were in sync  that’s all she needed to know , that’s all she needed to feel to be sure, until…..until…

The LED indicator became sporadic, content basic. She started minding her words, her replies. Was she thinking too much? Maybe blowing things out of proportion, she knew not, but hoped so. She still felt her heart had found a home. That she is right, she feels and knows she is and with patience she summons her energy every day and hopes she never erred. Until then, her heart will have to be tamed, to drop the wild imaginations and her body as well will have to be subjected to life’s tutorials to learn to be patient, to know how to mute the raging and burning passions, to learn to postpone gratification, she will holistically have to learn all these while wishing love wasn’t so bittersweet after-all.