I know Abonyo will feature in your name, it’s a name that I hold so dear and so close to my heart, your grandma’s name, my mum’s name: maybe I should first tell you a bit of her story and why that name befits you.
……………………..
I know they will teach you about modernity, technology and
stuff; the iPads, the iPods, the iPhones which most likely I will have ipaid
from my ibanks’ savings, but quite predictably they will not teach you about
our culture and the way your people use to live but lemme give you a brief
history my dear one, the roots of yours truly:
Long time ago in a
place called Nango in Sakwa Bondo when wild animals- the lions, gazelles,
antelopes, pythons etc - roamed freally thanks to the heavy , impenetrable dense
thicket that existed before uncontrolled human encroachment ,lived a hardworking, ambitious and industrious
young man called Gumba who fell in love with and married a tall, beautiful, chocolate and curvy young
woman whom they fondly referred to as A luso (Lucy)Osumo Nyokaka. They were later
to be blessed with 2 sons: Michael and Lucas (Oguk Rakula)-whom I was named
after, he passed on the night I was born- and 2 daughters: Ademba and Abonyo (NyaGumba,
Nyawuon Sawega) -your grandma. Their dad passed on when they were still very
young and therefore all the responsibility of taking care of the young Gumba
family fell squarely on Aluso’s shoulders. The first born; my sweet, brutally
honest and straight forward uncle- Michael (Mikael) would later assume the
‘father figure’ role, since Lucy was still a young woman who still needed the
warmth and protection of a man by her side and in tandem with our ‘outlived’
culture, she had to be ‘inherited’- get another husband , mostly an already
married man to re-marry her while still staying at her late husband’s home to
help her bring up her kids, they were later also blessed with two other sons-
Ben and Julius.
After the demise of their dad, life was never the same at
Ka’Gumba’s homestead, life took a turn for the worse and therefore sacrifices
had to be made to enable them soldier on, Abonyo (Nya Gumba, Nyathi Osumo
Nyokaka- as we fondly called her) was a bright, intelligent, introverted and a
soft spoken kid, but due to lack of fees, she was unable to continue with her
education and therefore she dropped out in class 6- a very big leap by then
education standards (when education was education!!!!)
At a meager age of 16, she would later meet (at a dancing
party) a dark, 6’4 middle aged tall man whom she later married and bored him 9
children, 4 boys and 5 girls, yours truly closing the chapter –last born.
………………………………
I was not particularly close to mum but I knew without a
flinch of a doubt that she loved us unconditionally, the troubles I saw her go
through, the sacrifices I saw her make and the heartaches she had to endure
proved how deeply she loved and cherished us and even more she had a close knit
with her family, she loved her siblings more than she even loved herself, she
worried to death about them and anything that affected them, affected her even
deeply.
As you already know, your grandma was an introvert who
rarely spoke about her feelings, troubles and the like, a devout catholic,
submissive wife, annoyingly generous, lovable and laser sharp woman, she hated
controversy like a plague and she would never raise her voice not even to a
child, a strict disciplinarian mostly feared for her ‘Ngoto’ blows, she was 5’6
just my height- one of the few things
that I took from her- chocolate in complexion, an hour glass figure, long
flowing black hair, a melodious voice, a to die for legs and a confessed lover
of traditional dishes. She was extremely hardworking and patient- a virtue
which I must confess I don’t poses , a hopeful individual even in the midst of
all odds, she gave us the best foundation in the world- the fear and knowledge
of God-and I hope I will do the same to you honey-she instilled in us the value
of education, most villagers referred to her as ‘japuonj’- teacher -since even
with the enormous responsibilities that she had, she would still spare some
time, normally during mid-day and teach village kids ( the current diluted
kindergarten education), she taught us how to be accommodative, never to
compare ourselves to others and always to thank God for whatever befell us-good
or bad.
Now you see my beloved, I guess 10 years into your
grandparents’ marriage, after they had accumulated some wealth as a young family
thanks to the hard work input by both parties, your grandpa spotted another
beautiful, well-endowed light skinned young woman whom he later went ahead and
married, now let it be known that our culture freely encouraged this and the
number of women you had was directly proportional to your wealth and standing
in the society. But my dad- J.J (John Jeconia) as we fondly called him (and
those moments were extremely few) re-married for completely different reasons.
Your grandpa as I knew him, never conformed to the society ways of doing
things, at least not all of them, he trusted his instincts more and had a
unique way of approaching issues, he was a relatively tall man standing 6’4,
very dark, very cautious in his dealings and a very cruel man- I guess this
trait has rubbed a bit on me, he wasn’t particularly religious but valued
education above all things, one thing my dad never waited for you to ask him
was school fees, he cleared all the arrears well in advance, but boy ohh boy,
misbehave in school and you will curse your conception night. I particularly
don’t remember him for a lot of things though coz mostly he was in the city and
we were upcountry, our interaction was therefore limited to the few times he
traveled home and even then we had to split that time between the two families
that he now had and sadly he gave high priority to his second family up until
when his last days were nearing, when he realized where unconditional love
emanated from would he then come back to be humanly taken care of.
Due to the success that your grandma had brought about in
terms of her passionate engagement in the shamba, she planted all kinds of
crops, tilled the land even in the darkness of the night when only the moon
shone, planted all kinds of vegetables and as if God was particularly pleased
with her hard work, everything did extremely well, we would have full granaries
after every harvest time, our shambas were full of all kinds of foods
regardless of the seasons and of course we had a huge herd of cattle, kraal
full of goats and sheep. Not ruling out the input your grandpa put and given
the fact that during this time he was still finding his bearing in the society,
it was largely agreed that were it not for your grandma’s resilience, and
industrious nature all these could have been a mere dream.
Since he had found a
particularly hardworking young woman he
decided to explore other avenues to bring in more income into their then young
family , let it be known that your grandpa was one of the laziest people I know
when it came to doing the shamba work, this is one area where he particularly
scored the least and I think driven by this he decided to seek white Collar
jobs in the city and being an O level finalist
finding a job was never going to be a difficult endeavor, he got a position
with the ministry of labor before being later moved to NSSF when it acquired
the parastatal status, he would later work there till his retirement period in the
late ‘90s.
‘Many a man owes his
success to his first wife and his second wife to his successes’ so they say,
due to the apparent wealth that the Obor’s family was enjoying, most
competitive neighbors were not particularly pleased by this, they plotted their
downfall to no avail, and my treasured one, them days, ‘African chemistry’ was
real but your grandma consecrated her homestead to the blood of the Lamb and
this was her perpetual guard , protector and defender and therefore these
‘African Chemistry’ powers were rendered completely useless. In their attempt
to bring them down they forged a plan to convince your grandpa to take in
another woman whom they had rightly identified, even before the agreement had been
reached, the young woman who apparently had a different agenda as coached by
your grandparent’s detractors was already home, you guessed right to-her co-wife’s’ house, your grandma’s abode.
Being a gentleman demanded that dad treated the new visitor
with utmost decorum and therefore sending her back home was just out of the
equation, they implored upon him just to take her in, and take her in he did
and that marked the first chapter of your grandparent’s life and ushered in a
turbulent life that would later divide the Ko’Obor’s family down in the middle.
As I had indicated above, given your grandma’s introvert
nature, she never uttered a word, never protested, she took her in with open
arms, treated her as part of the family and marveled at the thought of a new
helper, but little did she know, until…..until much later when damage had been
done. And so officially your grandpa became a polygamous man with a seriously
biased approach which I must tell you dear one, made me loath him so much
sometimes
Your grandpa passed on barely 4 years after his retirement
and your grandma succumbed to Cardiac arrest 4 years later after his demise on
one chilly morning of October the 30th where she breathed her last at Nyanza
General Hospital, I vividly remember her last words “Please don’t go” imploring
me not to leave her alone, not to go home but I went only to find her gone the
next morning, but I gave her my Scapular just before I left and recited for her
the ‘Three beautiful prayers for the dying’ and that gives me the peace of
knowing that of all places she could be right now, she is nowhere near hell and
I know she is watching over me and over you too honey- she is watching over us!
……………………………………
You see my dear one, many a time I have imagined us playing together,
holding you in my arms, telling you stories, teaching you how to pray,
especially the Holy Rosary and how to adore Jesus in the Eucharist, on several
occasions I have imagined your little tender hands, sweet legs and beautiful body, hmmm, interestingly I have even imagined myself caning your little buttocks,
to discipline you (call it the African in me)……I have imagined these and much
more. I have always wanted you to be a girl, so that I name you after your
sweet and beautiful grandma, to cherish you just the way I cherished her, so
that we become the sweetest and greatest of friends, I want you to become my
BFF and if you allow me, I will also become your BFF :)
I don’t know your daddy yet swiry, no I don’t ,but I don’t
want to bring you up alone, I want to give you the warmth and security and protection
of a family, I want you to have unbreakable bond with your daddy, you to make
us all proud. I would want your dad to share in the most things that I hold
dear, I would particularly prefer him to be light skinned so that you come
close to your grandma now that yours truly took after her dad- complexion wise-
but most importantly I want your dad to be the perfect person on the inside.
Very respectful, God loving- a Catholic would be ideal for me, good education;
you see your mommy has a thing for deep intellectuals, those with impeccable
English and interestingly those who possess an hybrid of civilization and our
cultural values so that we give you both of those worlds.
Now treasured one, am not sure I will pamper you but don’t
you ever misconstrue this to mean that I don’t love you, I will love you
unconditionally, try to be the best mommy in the world, I will let you do as
you wish only chipping in to give my ideas and thoughts but I will not decide
for you, I will give you the freedom of choice mine will be to be there for
you, and trust me my angel, I will always be there for you.
I would want us to discuss virtually anything, from the nice
dress you saw at the exhibitions, to this boy whom you have a crush on, to how
badly you are heartbroken, I want you to be there to offer me checks and
balances, be there for me when my world is crumbling down, I want you to be
able to see through my smiles and discern if am dying from the inside, be the
peacemaker between your daddy and myself if things go wrong as I am a live to
the fact that they sometimes will go awfully wrong.
My baby, apparently your mommy has a fear for labor pains,
don’t ask why as she has never been there but she fears it like a plague, but
for you I will overcome this deafening fear, I want to push you swiry, I never
will go for a C-section for you unless the doctors insist, I want to feel the
maximum pain when bringing you to this world hoping that that pain will
translate to unbreakable bond between us, I will breast feed you even for a
year if I must, I will treat you like the apple of my eye, like the air that I
breath.
My dear one, regardless of what age you will attain in life,
you will always remain my baby, my little one, my treasured one. No one wants
it to happen, but should anything happen to me that renders me unable to tell
you all these, just know that this’ how I would have wished for us to grow up.
