I would work till the last day, false labor would force me
to take my maternity leave, my last trimester with you were my most productive
days. I would clock 12+ hours in the office, get home well past 10 pm daily,
partly to avoid being alone, partly out of fear.
Things had gone south with your old man.
I had played all the scenarios of bringing you forth in my
mind, I was psychologically & mentally ready, I wanted to meet you.
Arwa would be your name.
Your last journeys in the safe confines of my womb would
begin, it was on a Sunday, alone in the house. Labor would strike!
I would carry my bag, with calmness that surprised even
myself, and off to the hospital I would go.
My 42 hours of pure agony would begin, I longed for my mama.
I would call a dear friend – Sidindi – when the pangs of labor
were splitting my womb apart, at 1 am he would rush to the hospital, he would
keep vigil with me till your first cry at dawn 5 am on a Tuesday morning. He’s
a friend in deed, a friend for keeps. You owe him your appreciation, learn the
art of friendship from him.
We did not have a very strong bond immediately after your
birth, more often than not I would forget I was a new mother. I resisted most
of the assistance offered and insisted on relying on my own strength, I wanted and
needed to prove to myself that I could do this, unknown to me I was teetering
on a very dangerous ropes. The first 3 days after your birth, I barely ate
properly but survived mostly on dates. I almost died!
At 24 days old, having mastered your sleeping pattern and
with urgent transaction to make, I would leave you sleeping in the house as I
rushed to the bank, this was one of the most worrying of decisions I have so far made in regards to you. Getting to the bank I would
find a very long queue, I would plead with the teller to serve me that I had an
emergency back home, he would hear none of it. With the thought of a 24 days
old baby alone in the house and being almost an hour away stretched all my
nerves. I stormed the branch managers’ office and told him I had left behind a
24 days old baby alone and asleep in the house and that I needed to be served
urgently otherwise the worry would kill me.
I was served.
Our bond was re-fueled by the worry.
I rushed back home after + almost 2 hours apart, I
remember opening the door and rushing straight to where you were sleeping, so
peaceful you were, oblivious of the fact that you had been left alone in the
house, oblivious of the worry that almost killed mama. Ohh, how I held you so
tight this day. This day cemented our bond.
Your birth drew me closer to my sisters- my elder sister
especially- and opened my eyes to the bond that I had been missing all along.
In you runs the blood of two of the most powerful men who
have ever graced this Kenyan soil – your paternal and maternal grandfathers,
the blood of Abonyo Nya’Gumba, my mama, cruises your veins too, I couldn’t be
more grateful to God.
You are your fathers’ son and your mama’s boy, a time will
come when you will need to curve your niche in this competitive world of ours,
you will have to fight for your own space, you will have to fight to be your
own man, when that time comes son, mama will expect you to rise to the
occasion.
In whatever you do, you will have mama’s support, love and
admiration. She will gently guide you through this maze of life, cheering you
on, lovingly admonishing you, offering counsel here and there but ultimately
she will let you make your own decisions, make your own fair share of mistakes
but she will be here to pick you up should you need mama’s shoulder to lie on.
Mama will ALWAYS have your back.
Of the 365 days we’ve had since your arrival that chilly
morning on 7th of March 2017, 363 of them I have tucked you to bed,
watched you fall asleep, kissed your forehead and felt your warmth. You have
filled our house with so much warmth, so much joy and so much love. We have had
peace in overflowing portions even when the odds were sometimes stuck against
us, we have had you and you my son are enough just the way you are.
We have marveled at each milestone you have achieved and in
wonderment realized just how the simplest of things like rolling over bring the
greatest of joys.
Every single day is a new experience with you and you always
have something new to unleash.
If it’s not raising your fingers when you were 4 months old
and staring at them as if they were some sorta new discovery, then it would be
your sharp hearing abilities that would detect even the slightest of movements
especially that of the door opening and closing up, how you twist your mouth
when you are about to cry, how you glow and giggle and laugh when you are
happy, how you smile when amused, how you ‘sniffle’ people in acknowledgement
and as a sign that a) you notice them or b) you welcome their presence, how you
invent the different styles of refusing food; from sticking your tongue out to
make sure no spoon goes past it, to blowing everything out, to biting the spoon
so hard that one cannot pull it away, to turning your head to angles that only
you know how to make, to pretending to be swallowing everything only to store
them somewhere in that small mouth of yours and remove everything later on, how
you destroy things in the house; I have changed more than 4 phone charges so
far among other things that have ceased to exist because of your existence. All
these things that you do, add color to my life, to our house.
Then
sometimes you fall sick and gloom fills my heart and our house.
You would have your first tooth at 6 months, your first
lower tooth, now you have 8 of them, EIGHT! That bites like wild NatGeo animals
J.
You would begin seating at 5 months and without support at 6
months
Your first step would be at 11 months, ohh what joy this
was!
Your language is a combination of many syllables and sounds;
I know when you are throwing tantrums and when you are serious, I know when you
just need mummy’s attention and when hunger pangs hit, I know when your diaper
needs changing and when you need your own space, having the chance to
intimately experience and know these has been the greatest gift 2017/2018 has
offered me, offered us.
You are my confidant son, I don’t talk much, I don’t open up
as much, more often than not I keep my feelings to myself; my worries, my low
moments and the moments I’m fighting my demons. I have not only opened my heart
but my world to you, I tell you my deepest of worries, concerns, ambitions and
plans. I share with you myself, my being. And sometimes you reward me with a
smile, sometimes you just trace my facial features, the feel of your lil’ hands
on my face is always heavenly, sometimes you look straight and deep into my
eyes, my soul and sometimes you behave as though you heard nothing.
I thank God for you.
Sometimes emotions overwhelm me, sometimes I wake up with a
heavy heart but you make a lot of things look and feel better, you give me
hope, you make me want better, you make me be better.
And as if just having you was not enough, God would send the
best of the best nanny our way, she is one of the few people I fully entrust
your care to when am grinding and hustling in these streets of Nairobi to offer
you a comfortable life, we love her and pray for her and if God wills, we would
love to make her dreams have wings someday.
Another Michael would join our lives in the year that was, a
unicorn - the last unicorn if you may - a true testament that God weaves our
stories in the best way only HE knows how. He warms mummy’s heart this one. And
with him on-board, three Michaels would be in mummy’s life, three Michaels of
three generations apart, all greatly valued, all great and/or poised to be
great men; Michael mummy’s uncle (the one you are named after), Michael mummy’s
anchorage (the one who warms mummy’s heart) and Michael the prince, the one who
crowns mummy’s empire, the heir apparent, the one who will perpetuate mummy’s
dynasty, the one who has stolen mummy’s heart.
Our journey has just began son, it will be full of twists
and turns, heartaches and joys, sun and gloom but one thing is for sure, we
will build our empire an enviable empire, the Minto Dynasty. TOGETHER!
Your love is pure, undiluted, untainted, no expectation
pegged to it.
I have been loved son, I have loved
deeply but this love of ours is different.
It's a different kind of love.
Happy 1st one Arwa, unto many more to come.
